So, as those who have me on Twitter know, my grandmother suffered a stroke a few weeks ago. Before you all panic, it was extremly mild. She lost little to no motor function, and her speech isn't impaired. What it did do, it ensure that she was placed in a long term care facility minus the year wait period she would usually have to go through.

It could have been worse, but in all honesty, this is kind of what we were hoping would happen. Something minor, that caused no permanent damage, that would get her into the kind of facility where she would have 24hr round the clock care. We got lucky, in that my mother was still here when ba had her stroke. The two of us were able to carry her across the house and get her to the couch. If I had been alone, then it would have been so much worse.

I'm not a large person, I'm 5'3", and weight about 110-120lbs. My grandmother, weights about as much as I do. And while I'm strong, there is no way I can dead lift my body weight when that weight is struggling. Which is what we had to do. I had her against my chest, and my mother had her feet. But we got her to the couch, and then laying down.

About an hour later, she woke up puking, and the rest of the night was spent calling family, the ambulance to come take her to the hospital, of which there were TWO that night, and a responding cruiser! My driveway was first responder central that night, let me tell you.

(No names, but I have never been so happy as when I opened my Grandmother's door that night, and saw my mother's neighbor standing outside my door. She is an EMT in town, and is amazing, and I can not begin to tell you the weight that lifted from my shoulders when I saw here there, because I knew she would take amazing care of my Ba for me.)

Tests, tests, and more tests, and we still didn't have a definitive answer when we all went home at 1am. But yeah, stoke, and placed in a care facility.

I know I've been silent here, and to be honest, it's because I've been relearning what it means to have a life again. For a year, I went to work and then came home and sat on the couch. And while I still do that, I can take my time and go shopping, or out to dinner with friends, or go see a movie without cross checking with other people that there is coverage at my Grandma's house.

I want to feel guilty about it, the fact that I'm glad she isn't my responsibility any more, but you know what? I gave her a year. A hard one, where I put everything aside and cared for her to the best of my abilities. And it wasn't what she needed. We all knew it. Not for lack of trying, but if this stoke had happened after I had gone to bed, she would have fallen and cracked her head open in the bathroom. I know this for a fact, and it was only my mother diving across the bathroom and catching her that prevented it from happening that night. I was upstairs putting something away, and I could hear her screaming from across the house.

I couldn't stay up all night, and I couldn't do anything for any injury she would have gotten if she had fallen. At least now, there is someone with her awake at all times. With medical training. And I? I can actually sleep for more than 4 hours at a time and not feel this crushing guilt that I might miss her hurting herself and it would be all my fault.

This entry was originally posted at http://crystalheaven.dreamwidth.org/341202.html with stars twinkling in reply. Shine a little light of your own as well.

Stolen from james

crowgirl13 has a 'Whatever you need' post going on at their journal, and I stuck a request in here.

It's basically just asking for Skype friends. People to talk to after 7:30-8:30pm EST (I live in MA), after she goes to sleep, but before I go to bed.

It gets lonely here. I'm a very social person by nature, but she needs 24hr care. And she can not be left alone, as she will not clean up after herself or feed herself or anything. Assisted Living Facilities (Nursing homes) aren't really an option, as they have a year waiting list to get in, unless she falls and breaks something and then gets put in for rehab or medical care.

So, friends list, Skype name is crys_heaven. Feel free to call whenever you see me online if you want. I make a great spring board for fic, have good shoulders to cry one, and absorb venting rants like a sponge.

This entry was originally posted at http://crystalheaven.dreamwidth.org/340751.html with stars twinkling in reply. Shine a little light of your own as well.

So, it's kinda creepy just sitting there on the top of my laptop, but my new webcam is finally here. It has a mic built in, so no more hauling head phones out every time I want to say anything, which is kinda cool.

It also can record in HD, which is cool. Not that I'm gonna use that feature, but still!

**

So, aside from staring that that unblinking eye on the top of the screen, I was so bored at work I managed to longhand TWO fics where Tony Stark is turned into an otter. Typing them up now. Because I have no shame.

This entry was originally posted at http://crystalheaven.dreamwidth.org/340635.html with stars twinkling in reply. Shine a little light of your own as well.

Had our annual Easter Egg Hunt at my Aunt's house today. There were a good 25 kids, which makes me extra glad that my cousin (aunt's daughter) hid 1000 eggs in the hay.

It was great. Me and Littlest Nephew made a great team. Together, we got 37 eggs, not counting the ones we gave to his brothers, and other little kids that were looking around us. I think that made us the winners over all, but my cousin only had prizes for metallic eggs (of which we had none) and lease eggs.

Ba went up with us, and had a blast watching all the kids. I'm just happy that she was happy to be out. And that it was so warm, when the wind wasn't blowing like crazy. It made burning all the hay at the end of the search sooooooo much easier. LOL

Of course, that was after we had a huge hay fight (and by that, I mean me, two Oldest Nephews, their step-sister, and another child). It was the cutest thing when Littlest Nephew ran up with a handful of hay and pegged me with it after his two brothers got me. No, really. I got pegged in the face by the two oldest, and then here comes my birthday buddy, maybe four pieces of hay in his hand, and then he just kinda lobs them in my general direction, shrieks in laughter, and bolts for freedom. I nearly died.

Biggest nephew got punched in the nose by middle nephew and had blood poring down his face. It was funny only because he said it didn't hurt, and after checking nothing was actually broken, started running around with tissue stuffed up his nose. The best was when he ran up to his grandmother (my aunt) asked if he was still bleeding, and when she said no, pulled the tissue out, dropped it in her hand, and then took off running again.

My boys play hard, yest they do. But then again, this is the kid that fell down the stairs in his house, broke his arm, got a cast, went home, pulled it off THAT DAY, went back to the hospital, went back home, PULLED THAT ONE OFF AS WELL a few days later, and was finally told to just let the damn thing heal without a cast. His brother took a swan dive off the couch into the toy box and smashed his nose open on a book. Had to go down the aisle at his parents wedding with stitch in his nose and a giant blood clot in his nostril. And littlest one managed to stab himself in the throat with a pencil a few weeks ago.

I swear to god, if I didn't know my cousin, I would wonder about them. But she's a wonderful mother. Her kids are just bruisers. I have seen them take falls that would have my crying in pain and just get up and keep running.

But I digress. Easter Egg hunt was a smashing success. We pissed off my aunt's landlord when we set the hay on fire (which actually is a win in out books, because the man is an unmitigated prick and an asshole), and no one tried to pull the Easter Bunny's tail off. Which is a good thing, because TS, the guy who has been the bunny like 15+ years, can be cranky, but is a great guy.

Have to make stuffed strawberries tomorrow morning. Crawling upstairs to work on my taxes and get some sleep. Maybe watch Hulk or Iron Man 2. I need to get Marvel movie cannon straight in my head. Have an idea, want to see if I can make is jell. I can already tell that Avengers is going to fuck the idea behind it up, since Tony and Bruce don't seem to know each other in the film, but whatever. That's what fanfic is for!!!

This entry was originally posted at http://crystalheaven.dreamwidth.org/340255.html with stars twinkling in reply. Shine a little light of your own as well.

I've made no secret about the fact that I hate my job, and I'm looking for a new one. So when my brother told me that they were hiring at his job, I pounced on it. I called my best friend, to ask if I could use her father as a reference since he works there as well. The conversation went thus...

Me - Hey, can you ask your dad if I can use him as a refrence?

BF - Why?

Me - There is a job opening in the office at (place where he and brother work)

BF - No.

Me - No? Why not?

BF - Because I'm going to use him.

Me - What?

BR - I've been trying to get in there for years.

Me - So let me get this straight? You're now going to go for the job that I told you that I'MM going for?


I just... Who fucking does that? She knows I'm trying to get out of my current location. And yes, so is she, but she just fucking got promoted. And now she's going after a position that I want? And the only fucking reason she knows about it is because I told her!!!

Some fucking best friend. Good to know where I stand with her.


Roll over to today. I get a text from BF telling me that the position has been filled. I wait for dad to call his childhood classmate that works in the office. She confirms. DAMN. Funk ensues.

Then, near the end of the day, I get a text from my mom, telling me to call my brother. I do, and come to find out, the little shit pumped into the Vice-President of the company, and mentioned that I was putting in my application and resume (this was early in the morning. He goes in for 3am.) Said that I can do office work, pay-roll, and other stuff. And VP said that while the other job was filled, I was to put my resume in, and they would see what they can do for me.

*incoherent dolphin squeaky noises of gleeeeeeeeee*

There isn't a fucking chance on the planet I'm saying a word of this to BF. Right now, I'm tweaking my resume again, and writing an open ended cover letter, since there isn't an actual position that I'm going for.

*crosses fingers* Which me luck!!!

This entry was originally posted at http://crystalheaven.dreamwidth.org/340051.html with stars twinkling in reply. Shine a little light of your own as well.

I have green nails in honor of St. Patrick's day this Saturday. I mean, like sparkly green, not Kelley green, but still. Working the Holyoke Parade this Sunday as well, so I painted them for that. I also have green beads, a green shirt, green fake crown headband, and green feather earrings.

I'm not going to have a voice for the next few weeks after this. The weather is going to be amazing, in the 70's. The first time I did the parade, we had a foot of snow in the ground, and I spent every free second tucked up against the fryer in the back of the joint freezing my ass off.

This year, I think my main worry is going to be sweating it off. And I don't want to think about the lines. I've had parades where the lines at my window were 25' long for seven hours straight. And I've had parades where I had 20 minutes between customers.

I get the feeling this one is going to be the former. I really hope that I don't have to pee at any point on Sunday after we open. We have an agreement with the house across the street. Free unlimited access to their bathroom, for free unlimited fried-dough for whoever is at their house. While this means that sometimes $40 of dough goes out the window, it means that after the 5th round of jello shots makes it way over, and the jumbo coffee I had to kick start my day starts banging on my bladder, I won't die before I get home.

***

Managed to write 1300 in fic today. All in one sitting, which I am rather proud of. It's shameless 'make myself happy' fic, in which Ezra Standish from Mag7 tv is a Fire Master from Mercedes Elemental Masters series. Vin Tanner is an Air Master, and if you have ever read those books, you know what that means. *vbg*

Been chewing through my smaller fandom fics that are stagnating in my WIP folder. Bourne, Naruto, Dresden Files, and Mag 7, just to name a few. It's not a lot of progress, but it's chipping away at what I have to finish.

I just need to learn how to write smaller fics, not the large sweeping arcs that always seem to float up. Snippets and drabbles girl.

*eyes WIP folder again*

Yeah, who am I kidding. Though there are a few smaller ones in there. Maybe I'll pop one of those open later and try to spit something out.

This entry was originally posted at http://crystalheaven.dreamwidth.org/339768.html with stars twinkling in reply. Shine a little light of your own as well.

Home sick today. In that, I called out from work because I woke up with a stress headache that could fell an elephant, and feeling that I was about to puke up a weeks worth of meals.

I know why I feel like that. Yesterday, I had a girls day planned with my best friend. My mother was an hour late to relieve me, so there was the start of the stress. I left in a bad mood, and while the rest of the day went okay, I got a text from her that Ba nearly fell in the bathroom after I left.

This, after she fell a few weeks ago and had to have her second ambulance ride of the year to the ER.

As mom was leaving, she asked me to keep an ear open, and I said that I would try, but I slept up stairs, and might not hear her. And no, I wasn't going to sleep on the couch in-case she got up. Because she was going to get up. She always does. And if I slept there once, I would have to do it every night, and quite frankly, I'm fucking sick of this.

I am sick of her falling, and nothing being done. She needs 24hr round the clock AWAKE care. She needs someone there that will help her at 2am, and quite frankly, I am done.

I was in sobbing tears last night because I just wanted to sleep in a bed, but I was terrified that she was going to fall and I wasn't going to hear her, and she was going to spend the night on the floor. And then I felt guilty, because health is important, and I should get up to help her, but I'm just so tired from always getting up. And then I was angry, because my aunt and uncle were supposed to move in and help, but he has cancer so he's not much of a help, and here comes the guilt and the anger and the frustration and the stress and everything all over again.

Which is why I was sobbing in the bathroom last night, and stayed home today. Because I can't even think about this without sobbing all over again. *wipes nose*

I broke down at Mom's work this morning, since I had to stop to fax something, and just lost it again.

I physically can't keep this up. i have headaches from the stress and clenching my jaw from anger and frustration and crying, and my stomach is always in knots and I just want to pack all my shit up and move somewhere far away where no one knows me and hide until they deal with this shit.

So here I am, at my parent's home, since I couldn't stay with my grandma any more today, and sick over the fact that I have to go back, dripping snot and hiding from the world for a little while.

I don't know what it's going to take to make them act. Does she actually have to hurt herself falling? Do I have to have another screaming breakdown? Have them once a day until they get so sick of dealing with me I make them hate me enough to act? Because right now, I am willing to do that. I'm so fucking done with this, that I'm willing to drive spikes into everyone of my family relationships,and salt the earth, just to make it all stop.

This entry was originally posted at http://crystalheaven.dreamwidth.org/339481.html with stars twinkling in reply. Shine a little light of your own as well.

Mother fucking fuck. I hit Ba earlier. Not hard, nothing more than a swat on the butt. But I did. And it wasn't even a conscious thing.

She had been having a good night. Her nurse had fed her before I got home, and she was sitting at the table while I did house work. Come 6:45, I helped her into the bathroom, and then ran to throw a load of laundry in.

Came back upstairs, and she was trying to pull her pants up without pulling her underwear up. I reached over to help her adjust the front of her clothes, and she just reached out and smacked my hands, then tried to swing at my face. I reared back, surprised. I mean, the last time she did that, I had been arguing with her in the bathroom for nearly a half hour, not just walking in the room with no warning.

Got over it, and tried to help fix the back of her pants, since her underwear was still down. She tried to hit me again, and I just reacted. Reached out and swatted her on the butt like I would if one of my nephews had tried that crap.

Once her clothes were settled and she was washing up, I called my mother in tears, who said that she probably would have done the same thing. I mean, it wasn't even a conscious decision. Just a reaction to the fact that someone was trying to hit me, so I smacked back.

Got her settled on the couch, and then shook for a good half hour.

*still a little freaked out*

God, I have never hated my temper more. Or my reactions to certain things.

Fuck this, I'm going to bed. I can't deal with this tonight.

This entry was originally posted at http://crystalheaven.dreamwidth.org/339431.html with stars twinkling in reply. Shine a little light of your own as well.

*headdesk*

I don't even know how to explain why I'm ready to scream my head off. Just that if I have to deal with my Aunt's condescension at any point at all today, after taking heaps of it yesterday, then I may just as well go hug a cinder block and jump off a bridge, for all the good it will do me.

For years, my aunt has said that she is moving into my Grandmother (Ba's house). Obviously, it hasn't happened yet, which is why I'm here. And that is stress point number one on the list, as I was bitching for YEARS before I had to move in that Aunt and Uncle needed to move in to care for her, and all I heard was "They're not ready / Ba's not ready / They'll do it next year (5 years running) / Stop being a pain in the ass!!!" There is a whole host of other things going on with that theme, but it would take far to long to explain, and I would sound like a whinny brat listing every little thing. Just know that it's been 5 years of little shit like a phrase here and a look there that is finally coming to a boiling head.

Yesterday, we went to the RV show at the Eastern States grounds, and I asked if/when everyone was coming over today. Namely, if my brother wanted to come up for lunch before everyone else and chop wood (we've taken a few trees down in the back, and he chops a little each week, to get it cut and stacked for summer camping season). He shrugged, but my aunt snorted and said that I just didn't want to be alone at the house. And that was the straw that broke this camel's back.

I whirled on her and snapped that she was right, I didn't like being alone in the house with just my grandmother. Which she had damn well known, as I've never hidden the fact that being by myself all the time here is something that I've come to HATE. Hence me asking them if they want to come up on weeknights as well as during the week."

(She just doesn't get it. I don't care if they just sat at the table with me and Ba and didn't say a damn word, I just want someone there that would answer with words that made sense rather than asking the same question over and over, or who didn't know me, or who yelled because I wouldn't let her go to a house she hadn't lived in for 60 years to parents that have been dead for longer than I've been alive.)

Mom made soothing motions, and I think she was relieved that she was between me and my Aunt, because I was NOT HAPPY, and am sick of not showing it. I'm tired of being here, as horrible as it sounds, and I'm done with hearing that something is going to happen, and then just being told to stop making problems. Because it seems like making problems is the only way I get a damn thing out of anyone as of late.

*sighs*

Fast forward to a few hours later, and we're all down here at Ba's for supper. My Aunt's daughter came over, and had to listen as Mom tried to get Ba to go the bathroom. My Aunt looked at her and said "See what Kristin has to deal with?" Cousin responds that she couldn't do it, and that she didn't know how I did. My response, "There's no one else available, but I'm not really happy about it, so...." And yeah, didn't that get me a few looks.

Over dinner, my uncle joked that when they moved it, they're moving me out of my room into the little bedroom (which is about 4 feet wide, and 8 feet long, NO JOKE, from my room that is like 4 times the size of that. Again, sick of swallowing my tongue, I said that "For that to happen, you guys would actually have to have moved in. Since that's isn't likely any time soon, I'm not too worried about it." Cue glares again from Mom and Aunt, and a look that was half amusement half worry from my Cousin.

My uncle asked how sure I was of that, that they could move in next weekend. I said if that was true, I would have my shit from the front bedroom (I've been using it for yarn storage and Wii parts), in a hot minute, and help pack up their house to get them down here. The table just laughed, but I was serious, and said as much. All I got was a pat on the head and a yeah right.



***This part cut due to discussion of guns and a real life incident where a child was killed by one due to accidental self infliction. Be warned, I am angry and sarcastic in my telling of the incident, but that doesn't detract from my horror of what happened, or how much I grieve for the family, despite not knowing them. I am using it as an example, that is all. If that might trigger, then skip it.***

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And the worst part is, it won't matter what I say or do in any of these situations, because I'm just the kid that takes care of Ba in her day to day life, and they're the adults that deal with everything else like bills and medical care, and the important stuff.

*puts her head down and tries not to cry*

And fuck me, summer is coming. I don't think I can do this again, where everyone is gone all weekend, and I'm the only one in-state while the rest get to go to the beach and drink and have all these times together. And yeah, it's not every weekend, and yeah, I get to go as well, but it seems like every time I go, it causes such an problem to everyone else to arrange coverage for me, that I hate asking.

This entry was originally posted at http://crystalheaven.dreamwidth.org/339114.html with stars twinkling in reply. Shine a little light of your own as well.

This have been.... interesting around here as of late. I think this is the least I've seen my Ba in a week since the week I was out of the country! Between her going out Wednesday, sleeping like the dead yesterday, and me working late today at second job, I haven't seen her for more than an hour since Tuesday. And I live with her!!!

Off to the RV show at Easters States tomorrow. We're looking for a trailer for our site in NH that has two bedrooms. One for my mother, and one for her sister, so when they come up with their spouses, my aunt actually has a bed to sleep on, rather than a couch.

We saw an awesome one last year that in hind sight, we wished we had pursued, but never did. Maybe this year we can find something like it, and then go from there.

Ba will of course come first. She's been on a slow decline for a while now. God help me come summer, because I don't think I can do this again for another season like last year. With both Mom and Aunt gone at the same time, and me alone from mid-Friday to late Sunday. And when I said as much to Mom tonight after getting home from tax-time with other-boss....

Yeah, not going there. Sufficed to say, thing were said that were stressed induced, stress related, and stressed filled bitterness under-laced.

*sighs*

Anyway, happy place now is Arthur/Eames. I have a few mid-movie drabbles percolating in the WIP folder, and a steadily growing pile of post-it note snippets (there the only thing I have to write on at work. Thank god my handwriting is so damn small...) that I have to transcribe and flesh out.

If I can swing a new job in the next few weeks, I'm getting a netbook. As much as I love my giant laptop, it sucks trying to write on it in bed. It's just too heavy. And forget taking it anywhere. The damn thing is like 10lbs! Not an easy carry, for sure.

Any ideas from those that have one? I'm trying to decide between a HP and a Dell. Aceus will never, ever happen. We have them at work, and if I could get away with lighting mine on fire and dancing around the ashes, I would. Baring that, I'll settle from that scene from Office Space. I know my brother has a spare baseball bat around somewhere. I think I have an old softball one in the shed at home.

Off to bed. Neighbor's child is watching Ba tomorrow for us, and she'll be here at 10am. if I can get a little sleep tonight, I want to.

This entry was originally posted at http://crystalheaven.dreamwidth.org/338891.html with stars twinkling in reply. Shine a little light of your own as well.

Someone explain to me why I thought clothes shopping with my mother would be a good idea? I should know after all this time that her styles and mine are VASTLY different, but I still hold out hope that she and I can at least reach an agreement.

*sighs*

One of these days it's going to sink in and then I'll be able to shop with her without getting an ulcer. Or caving and going to stores I don't even like, just to make her happy.

I swear, if one person shows me a cardigan in the next few days, I'm lighting them, and the damn thing on fire.

That being said, I did get three new pants, a pair of super comfortable flats, and a shirt yesterday. Okay, two pants and a pair of coral beach capris, but the capris were cute! And I needed cute after that clusterfuck of a shopping trip. I mean, I bought Strawberry plants rather than buy clothes with her!!! *headdesk*

I'm just going to try to arrange a day to go the store I actually wanted to go to, that has clothes that I want to buy, and then we'll be good.

I swear to god, if I didn't need new clothes for interviews and a hopefully new job that is office related and not in a factory/warehouse setting, I 'd just say fuck it and live in jeans for the rest of my life. I know I would be happier.

***

Cut for discussion of personal triggers in TV/Movies. Nothing graphic or sexual.

( Read more... )

This entry was originally posted at http://crystalheaven.dreamwidth.org/338665.html with stars twinkling in reply. Shine a little light of your own as well.

So, and I have no fucking clue how this happened, but both the cable box and my Wii aren't working right now. That means that the only thing I have for entertainment in the front room in my computer, crochet, and whatever books are in the house.

Now, don't get me wrong, I can keep myself entertained by reading or crochet just fine. But I'm used the the background noise of the tv. Even just having the volume on like 4, so there is at least the picture there as a slight distraction for me.

My ADD is kicking in hard right now. Multiple inputs are like a necessity for me. I can't focus on just one thing. My attention starts to wander, and then I get twitchy because there is nothing to switch back and forth between, and then bad things happen.

The worst is that Ba's tv works, but I can't watch it, because that is HER tv, and I can't go in her room when she's sleeping, or take her box, because it keeps her calm. And with her Alzheimer's, calm is good.

The plan is to put her to bed, and then read a bit, take a bath (I smell like campfire, which is good while the fire is going, and bad when you're trying to sleep, and then sleep.

Tomorrow is going to suck balls. If only I could get my external hooked up to my tv, and watch the shows there on the bigger screen. There is a way, but I don't know it.

Need to also call my friend and see if he can fix my Wii for me, or if I'm dropping the money on a new one.

Fuck me!

This entry was originally posted at http://crystalheaven.dreamwidth.org/338246.html with stars twinkling in reply. Shine a little light of your own as well.

So, my uncle is selling off his gun collection. He has Stage 4 cancer, and since he hasn't fired them in over 5 years, he sees not point in keeping them.

My response? Screw that, hand them over! We're going shooting as soon as we can arrange a day to go together, and I can get a feel for the guns.

Once I get my LTC (Licence to Carry), we can talk about what we're going to do about maybe him transferring some of his collection into my name. He just wants them to be taken care of. I want to be able to go shooting again. Win/Win in my book.

My mother's response to this? What the hell do you need a gun for?

I told her that having never fired a gun, she doesn't know what a great stress reliever it is, and how effective it is for working off aggravation. The repetitive motion of finding you target, pulling the trigger, and resetting is... I miss it. I miss it a lot. My class was so short, but man, it was the best I ever took.

And when she asked who I would shoot with, I told her of the friends that want to go shooting with me, and of my old instructors, and hello? Have you ever heard of Rod and Gun clubs? Where people that like to shoot go and hang out? There is one in my home town! They even have competitions! That is something I would like to get into.

She just nodded and looked at me. I don't think she gets it. But then again, she's never fired a gun before, so...

This entry was originally posted at http://crystalheaven.dreamwidth.org/338079.html with stars twinkling in reply. Shine a little light of your own as well.

Found out that my Great-Uncle (His wife is my paternal Grandmother's youngest sister) died YESTERDAY.

And how did my mother and I figure this out?

SOMEONE POSTED HIS OBITUARY ON FACEBOOK!!!

I mean, I know I'm not close with my Great-Aunt, or her kids like we used to be, but I kinda figured we would rate the decency of a phone call. You know, since this is my FATHER'S UNCLE!!!

So now, not only do I have to enter a revised day off for my yearly lady visit to the doctor (That is a shit storm of a story that sums up as employment company changed insurance companies, and I never got the new cards, so doctor's office called to tell me that insurance on file had been canceled.) But I have to take off a day for a funeral that I technically haven't even been invited to yet.

I don't know whether to just sit down and start crying, or just say fuck it and start drinking and begin a life as a functioning alcoholic.

I can't even work up emotion over this. I mean, it's horrible that he is gone, but he had Alzheimer's. That is not living. Take is from someone that lives with a person with that disease.

This entry was originally posted at http://crystalheaven.dreamwidth.org/337847.html with stars twinkling in reply. Shine a little light of your own as well.

Survived the storm. Am now squatting in my aunts house, as she has heat and can cook since she has gas. It's been fun. There are anywhere from 5 to 11 people in a 4 room apartment at any time. But we're making it work. Had to sleep on the floor the last few nights. Lol. Thank god we're a family of blanket horders. At least I had padding.

Posting from my phone from work, since home still doesnt have power. Should get it by the end of the week. But it has made packing for my trip interesting. As in, we leave on Saturday, and it's still not done. Hopefully Mom will have power today, and I can use her washer. Or that the Laundromat in ware will be open today.

Oh look! Been here an hour, and finally have work. To all my friends impacted by this storm, stay warm my friends. And watch out for down limbs and wires. Three days later and they're still everywhere.

This entry was originally posted at http://crystalheaven.dreamwidth.org/337226.html with stars twinkling in reply. Shine a little light of your own as well.

So apparently I've been entering the password for the network backwards, which is why I couldn't get on. Fixed it. And yay!!!! I have Netflix again. And fic! Which is what l was really killing me. Because my job is so damn mindless, I was going nuts with nothing to do.

So a while ago, I posed a rant about bad grammar and even worse spelling, and how it can throw you from a story that you actually wanted to read.

I then made a throwaway comment about a wonderful fic that I had read. greyeyes asked about it, and like a shit, I completely forgot to actually POST the comment that I had written in my e-mail to her. I though about just replying, but then I decided that I actually wanted to share this fic with all of you, it's just that good.

It's called The Tale of a Deed by auburn over on AO3. I recently found myself drifting into Magnificent Seven fandom (TV, not Movie) due to the entire series being up on Netflix. I had read a few ATF/AU crossovers when I was really into The Sentinel a few years back, and had never managed to read anything else besides the wikipedia page so I would have a basic understanding of what I was reading untill a few weeks ago.

And then I found this story. What an introduction to the fandom, let me tell you. It's such a well though out and built story. Wonderfully world building, amazing back history and the way the author writes, you just sink into the fic and never want to come out. The characters really seem alive here, which sounds trite, but it's true. And if you're looking for something that is a little truer to what life would have been like back then (1877, post Civil-War western frontier of the not quite together USA) then read this. While I love the buddy-buddy genre that the show was going for, this fic reads truer to human nature.

It's long, just shy of 140K words, but that just makes it better. It's like the fic that just keeps giving. Even if your not in this fandom, give the story a try.

This entry was originally posted at http://crystalheaven.dreamwidth.org/337055.html with stars twinkling in reply. Shine a little light of your own as well.

Holy Shit you guys, HOLY SHIT!!!

So, there is someone on the hill behind my house that has a cannon, I'm not kidding. Like, legit has something that sounds like there setting off morter fire every now and again. It's not often, like four times since I moved in back in April, but still.

Usually, it's only doing the day hours, but tonight they set it off at 8:30! WTF?!?! It's already dark here! NO! BAD CANNON PEOPLE!!!

And I know I'm not imagining it, as my aunt heard reports come over her police scanner (her husband is a retired police officer, and leaves it on for nostalgia reasons.) about it. So there.

I'm going to Lowes, buying a bag of Quik-crete, and then having a 'blast' with someone little toy if they keep this shit up. No lie!

This entry was originally posted at http://crystalheaven.dreamwidth.org/336688.html with stars twinkling in reply. Shine a little light of your own as well.

Nothing like reading a fic, and then having this His cleaver hands made quick work of holster and fly buttons... happen.

I actually stopped reading and tried to picture that. Someone who're trying to give a blowjob with cleavers for his hands trying to remove the other man's pants without slicing off his dick or balls.

Because I gotta tell you. If I happened to be a guy, and the guy about to give me a BJ had cleavers for hands, I wouldn't be getting any that night, and neither would they.

Clever hands? Now that, I'm all on board for! I'll take clever hands over cleaver hands any day of the week.

*goes back to her fic* I get a feeling that the entire fic is going to be like this. Periods seem to be a foreign concept to this author.

EDIT: Oh for the love of... WANDERING HANDS, not wondering hands. And HIS won't thrust. HE will, his won't. Hells bells, get yourself a damn Beta-reader, or stop sucking so much. I literally get thrown from the fic every damn typo. Which wouldn't be so bad, if they weren't EVERY OTHER LINE!!!

Still reading though. Now it's just a matter of pride. No stupid typos are going to keep me from reading this fic!

Editing the EDIT: Okay, I lied. Typos weren't enough to keep me away, but a dragging plot and horrible writing were. This is what I get for reading AWESOME!FIC of AWESOMENESS!!! at work today. Now, nothing compares to it.

This entry was originally posted at http://crystalheaven.dreamwidth.org/336621.html with stars twinkling in reply. Shine a little light of your own as well.

So, I figured out how to 'hack' the computer at work. In that, I mean that I figured out how to turn the address bar back on after they disabled it so we couldn't navigate away from the company's deticated server page.

Having a working knowledge of computer short-key commands is a good thing some times.

So, during break, and when work is so slow I honestly just open my kindle and read for 20 minutes before the next batch of work makes it through the doors, I have taken to plugging away at whatever I have loaded up into GD.

At the moment, I'm plugging away at a Dresden prompt, a probably never-to-be-posted Avenger Movie verse fic (given that the movie isn't even out yet... this amuses me), and that fic that only CassieJamie will have any idea about from when we were in school together.

Yes dear, it's not dead. Just in what amounts to a lifetime movie level coma. You know the ones, where the person gets hit by a car (in this case, the muse packed up and went on a vacation to Tahiti) and then spends years in a coma, only to wake up and have no idea that time has passed, while the rest of the world went on without them.

Nearly done transcribing the outline I wrote onto the computer, and then comes the fleshing out. Of course, I've been working on this damn thing for what, like four years now? Hell might just freeze over before I actually get it done. But, given that none of you have actually (with the exception of CJ) read this, I think I'm safe. *grins*

This entry was originally posted at http://crystalheaven.dreamwidth.org/336308.html with stars twinkling in reply. Shine a little light of your own as well.

I have three games that I'm playing in Sims3 at the moment. One is a self insertion, since I think that is required in EVERY version of Sims ever made.

The second is a family named Kirk McCoy. Because yes, I am the person that made Jim and Bones husband and husband. And yes, Bones is a doctor and Jim is in the astronaut program. Though the police keep making a bid on him.

And the third game that I just started today is the Stark-Rogers family, in which Steve just started in the police department and Tony is now a lab rat.

I kinda wanna make a Xavier/Lehnsherr household, but I have no idea what I would make Erik. Obviously Charles in a teacher, or something like that, but Erik? IDK.

Actually, now that I think about it, I want to make the Dresden/Marcone household with Harry as a cop and John as a criminal, because the hilarity of that situation is just to much fun not to be had.

*grins*

Something tells me that I'm going to regret putting Sims3 back on my laptop.

This entry was originally posted at http://crystalheaven.dreamwidth.org/335913.html with stars twinkling in reply. Shine a little light of your own as well.

Went to the Seafood Festival at Hampton Beach in New Hampshire yesterday. Wandered up and down the strip a good three times, which explains why my hip feels like I've been slamming it with a hammer.

We must have been there for a good seven hours. In that time, I managed to eat:

(split with my father)
Half a lobster
Half a plate of steamers

(split with my best friend)
Half an order of fried clam strips
Half an order of fried clam fritters

(split with my brother)
a 'Greater Tatter' - which is a potato that is sliced in a spiral and then deep fried.

When we got on the bus to go back to camp, I thought they would have to roll me off. *lol* For me, that is rather a large amount of food. And it's not like the portions were small either. Well, okay, the steamers were a little small, but still, Seafood Coma!!!

**

Now, just sitting on my grandmother's couch while she rubs the kitchen table for the next hour or so. I'll follow her into the bathroom and make her change if she had the accident I think she did, and then change her clothes later tonight. I'll try to get on her the porch for a bit. It'll do her good to get outside for a while.

This entry was originally posted at http://crystalheaven.dreamwidth.org/335832.html with stars twinkling in reply. Shine a little light of your own as well.

I can't....

I can't even...

SUITS! HOW? WHY?

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!

AND WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS NEXT SUMMER SHIT???/

AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!

*incoherent with rage/anger/love/fear/shock/luct/oh-fuck-me-did-that-really-just-happen???*

I swear by all the little gods and fishes, if I wake up tomorrow with a huge hocking skunk strip in my hair from the stress of waiting a freaking YEAR to find out what the hell is going to happen, I WILL NOT BE SURPRISED!!!



(I will post a more coherent review of the show/season once I calm down and re-watch it. For tonight, I'm going to goddamn bed)

This entry was originally posted at http://crystalheaven.dreamwidth.org/335517.html with stars twinkling in reply. Shine a little light of your own as well.

So, had my second interview today. I must have impressed them, because they asked be to come back Tuesday and fill out paperwork!

This is good, and bad. Good, because YAY job. Bad, because the hours are all over the place, I would HAVE to work Saturday, I need to get a license to sell insurance in Mass, which means that I have to spend over $400 dollars just to be ABLE to start working.

I'm going to take the weekend and think about it. Because while the POTENTIAL for money is there, I'm not really in a position where I can drop nearly $500 just to be able to do a job. Yes, I can recoup that, but I'm living pay check to pay check as is.

This means that I now have four jobs. Factory, Lawyer, Working for my mother to take care of Ba, and now this. Though technically, I haven't signed up for this one, so one could argue that Schrodinger is my supervisor. *grins*

***

Ba is already sleeping. This is great, in that I can get all my laundry done while she is out, but it means there is a high chance that she will be up all night and I'm going to be cranky as hell tomorrow when I go to New Hampshire.

*sighs* Life, it never works the way we want it too.

***

BORED!!! So bored I've taken to Google-ing Line Art, and printing out the ones that look interesting so I can take my crayons that I have and color them.

Yes, I should be exercising, but I find that the appeal of getting in shape looses some of it's sparkle when I have to wait to be able to go to my parent's house to take a shower, rather than just going up stairs to do it.

This entry was originally posted at http://crystalheaven.dreamwidth.org/335198.html with stars twinkling in reply. Shine a little light of your own as well.

Had an interview for a new job today. If I had known that it was literally going to be 'Walk in, sit down, talk for ten minutes to see if your a serial killer in the making, YAY!! you're not, walk out', then I wouldn't have taken the entire day off of work.

More so since I had new shoes, hadn't broken them in, and now have band-aids on my heels since they rubbed my poor feet raw. Half afraid I'm going to sprout blisters tomorrow. That't it. when I go back for my second interview (Because YAY!!! I get to go back!!!) I'm wearing the Hooker Boots.

Not that they're really Hooker boots, you understand. They're knee height, zip up boots that hug my calves. Pleather, not real or anything. The name comes from when I was still going to STCC, and my Law teacher made a comment about shoes for some reason, something to do with a hooker being killed in a case we had been studying I think, and I hiked my jeans up to my knees, stuck my foot in the air, and asked if those were the kind of boots he had been talking about.

And thus, the Hooker Boots got their name. And yes, these are the SAME boots. Over five years, and these suckers have never let me down.

Back to the interview, it's for Entry and Mid-level management for a new office they're opening in Springfield. The company is based out of Connecticut, but they want to branch out, and are moving north. The fact that I was Second Key at the book-store is a feather in my cap, because even thought I wasn't officially Assistant Manager, I have the experience of being a lead to other people.

I really hope that they decide they like me and ask me on. While I'll miss being able to wear jeans and sneakers to work every day, and it'll suck building a whole new wardrobe for an office job rather than using what I already have, the pay will be better, and I should actually have a chance for advancement, rather than still being a temp more than a year after current job hired me.

Wish me luck! I should know by late Friday! Oh god, the wait is going to kill me.

This entry was originally posted at http://crystalheaven.dreamwidth.org/334891.html with stars twinkling in reply. Shine a little light of your own as well.